When it Hurts so Bad
by Orison
Summary: 9x12 coda/missing scenes piece.


**When it Hurts so Bad**

A/N: This is my take on 9x12. The episode was really good and Scott Caan was excellent, but I felt the need to add a few scenes that we didn't get to see and also briefly address Steve's grief because there is no way he would be back to normal so soon after Joe's death.

I have quoted some of the original dialogue and imagined the rest. Let me know what you think about it. Still don't own anything but a very vivid imagination.

A big thank you to Phoebe Miller who reassured me this was good enough to be posted.

* * *

" _Danny?"_

" _Steve, it's Grace..."_

" _What happened?"_

" _She's hurt... she, uh...got into an accident and...no, we don't know that, Rachel, but she's gonna be alright."_

" _Where are they taking her?"_

" _Wahiawa General."_

" _I'll be right there."_

Steve wasn't familiar with Wahiawa General Hospital, but had walked through emergency doors more times than he liked to remember. To be treated himself, ask for news on one of his team members, or sit vigil beside a loved one's bed.

This time, as he raced through the corridor towards the intensive care unit, the lump of fear rising in his throat grew bigger and bigger at the thought of the innocent girl fighting for her life.

 _Grace_.

Of all the people he had expected to land in the hospital in critical condition, his partner's daughter was the last one on his list. Scratch that —she wasn't even _on_ the list. Should _never_ be on that list. The disbelief he had felt over the phone when Danny had woken him up at 3:39am, voice cracking with emotion, was still haunting him.

An accident.

Grace had been in an accident.

 _Grace_.

The little girl with pigtails and an ever-present smile who was now apparently old enough to operate a vehicle.

Steve was up and coming down the stairs in seconds, grabbing the keys from the table by the door on autopilot before rushing to the Silverado and peeling off the driveway.

Danny hadn't been able to give him any more details. He was understandably upset and barely functioning so Steve had to be the strong one, the supportive one. Didn't matter if it was too soon after Joe's death, if the threat of losing yet another member of his family was tearing him apart all over again.

He had to be strong for his friend.

The moment he reached the ICU and walked out of the elevator, he realized things were a lot worse than he expected. Danny was standing in the hallway as if he didn't know what to do with himself, while Rachel sat on a wooden bench a few feet behind, arms wrapped protectively across her chest.

Both had bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes, and for a moment Steve feared the worst, bracing himself for devastating news he knew he wouldn't be able to handle.

"Hey..." he managed almost apologetically for interrupting their private moment. The sound barely reached his own ears. His heart was hammering so fast it felt as if it would jump right out of his chest.

Danny turned around and raised his gaze to look at him. The desolation on his best friend's face was something Steve never wanted to see again.

"Yo... You alright?" he tried again as he pulled him into a hug. "You alright? What's going on?"

"She's, uh... she's in critical condition. There was another girl in the car, and she's pretty bad off too so it's bad, Steve..." he explained, looking lost and miserable like never before. A cold chill ran down the back of Steve's neck and he swallowed hard as waves of impotence and despair rippled through him.

He could barely stomach the thought of Grace surrounded by machines doing for her what her body couldn't, let alone the idea of something worse —much, _much_ worse happening to her.

"Alright...alright..." His mind was already at work, trying to assess the situation and do what was needed. Moving on unsteady legs, he walked up to Rachel and hugged her as well.

"Rachel..."

The woman blinked back fresh tears and sank into the embrace. "Hi..." Her voice was hoarse from crying, but she was doing her best to appear stronger than she felt.

"Who's the kid? Who's this other?"

"We're not... we're not sure," she replied, looking at her ex-husband and feeling guilty for not knowing more. "I mean, she's a new girl in Grace's class but, I mean, they were at a party. Maybe Grace was giving her a ride home... We just... we don't even know anything..."

The father of the other girl, Katie, suddenly interrupted them. Terrified and devastated just like Danny, he lashed out with no regard for the people standing before him and the patients in the unit, concern for his daughter the only force driving his actions and overriding his emotions.

Barely able to control his own feelings, Steve immediately inserted himself between the angry man and Danny, knowing full well that his partner would unleash his frustrations on him if allowed to. Accusing Grace of driving under the influence and voluntarily endangering another girl's life? The guy obviously didn't know the first thing about her.

The outburst died quickly, defused by the arrival of a few HPD officers, and both fathers collapsed against the weight of a reality that was too overwhelming to accept.

Duke pulled Steve aside, hitting him with more bad news and confirming that Grace was going well over the speed limit and that HPD had opened an investigation into the accident.

 _What the hell?_

Tox screen.

VHS.

It wasn't possible.

Not this girl.

Not her.

Steve shook his head, not willing to believe for one second that his Gracie had gotten behind the wheel intoxicated.

They were all wrong, and he would prove it to them.

He swallowed hard.

 _Too soon._ _It's too damn soon_.

It had been less than a week since he'd come back from Montana, his physical wounds barely healed and the emotional ones still wreaking havoc inside his head. There was only so much he could handle, so he did the only thing he could: he promised them he'd find out what happened, gave Rachel another hug and his best friend a pat on the back, and left.

* * *

As soon as Steve stepped into the elevator and the doors closed behind him, Danny's resolve crumbled.

Stuck in the confined space of the family waiting room he started to pace its length back and forth, needing to release at least part of the pent-up energy while he waited for news on his daughter. His young, vibrant daughter who was about to undergo brain surgery for a depressed skull fracture that could potentially kill her.

His worst nightmare playing in full Technicolor.

Feeling his knees buckle he collapsed onto a nearby couch, head between his hands.

Rachel took the seat in front of him a moment later.

Surprisingly, or maybe not so much, she was handling this better than he was. Grace was Danny's life, had been since the moment she was born. His reason for being alive, for straying away from anything that could make him less of the father she deserved. Even through the mood swings, the teenage drama, she was still the daughter he was proud of every day, the young woman he'd toured colleges with just a few weeks before, volunteering for the task just so they could spend some time together.

Take her out of the equation and... what would be left of him other than an empty shell?

"Do you want to talk about the car? Because I know you're mad about it..."

His ex-wife's voice filled the silent awkwardness that had fallen over the room.

 _No_ , he didn't.

Did she really think he cared right now about that crumpled piece of metal?

If he wasn't so distraught that even focusing on breathing and trying not to fall apart was a struggle he probably should've said something about it, about Rachel waiting until a missed curfew in the middle of the night to let him know that Stan had bought a brand new car for Grace.

Good old Step-Stan, in a grand gesture driven by the guilt for moving to Vegas and abandoning the kids, had delivered it right to their door.

Danny didn't know how to feel about it.

His head spun, emotions he didn't know how to control threatening to pull him under. Anger, resentment, frustration... just to name a few.

He got up, unable to sit still.

Rachel kept hiding things from him. She kept lying to him. Over and over.

A now Grace too. She had failed to mention it to him because she knew he'd be upset.

Was he that predictable? Did wanting to be consulted on big decisions like buying his daughter a vehicle make him a bad father?

Danny knew he was none of those things. He heard himself telling Rachel that he was used to it, to her deceiving behavior. It was true. He wasn't mad at her —or god forbid, Grace. It was just... resignation, the knowledge that things with his ex-wife would never change, and a weariness slowly wrapping around him like a cloak.

He needed to go.

He needed to leave.

"I'm gonna get a coffee," were his last words before he left.

* * *

Steve leaned against the car in front of Keith's bungalow, arms crossed over his chest, watching as one of the HPD officers that had showed up at the scene loaded him into a cruiser.

Driving the old Ford along the rural road at 80mph and watching the young man squirm uncomfortably in his seat until fear turned to terror and he admitted to following Grace and causing the accident had hardly tempered his rage.

He desperately needed to make things better for Danny, for Grace —for _himself_ , and hated that he could do nothing more to help.

"He'll get negligent injury in the first degree," Lou tried to reassure him. "Reckless driving. It's jail time, Steve."

"Yeah, but if Grace doesn't pull through, it doesn't make a difference."

The sobering thought was the only thing on his mind.

Now that there were no more leads to follow and perps to arrest his emotions were running wild again, and the idea of losing Grace on top of losing Joe and his SEAL buddies made his chest tighten with an all-too-familiar pain.

But he had no time for that. No space to let his grief loose.

Danny needed him.

"I'm gonna head back to the hospital. See if there's any news."

The former SWAT Captain nodded in understanding.

"Alright, man. Keep me posted."

* * *

"How's she doing?"

Steve jumped to his feet as soon as he saw Danny come out of Grace's room.

After Rachel had given them the good news they'd all rushed to the nurses' station and waited for permission to see her, relief finally marking all of their features. Once she got settled, Steve had parked himself in front of her room while the two parents went in, and begun his silent vigil.

Almost two hours had passed since then.

Danny still looked exhausted, but the sparkle was back in his eyes and his posture was no longer defeated.

"She's asleep. Doctor said the surgery has taken its toll on her and she won't wake up for a few more hours." Leaning against the wall, his mind clearer than it had since the whole ordeal had started he took a long look at his friend, taking in the equally worn out expression and the turmoil stirring beneath the surface. "I'm sorry, man. Your first week back home... I bet this isn't what you had in mind."

Steve shook his head vigorously. "Don't even say that. There's nowhere I'd rather be. That's what family does, right? A wise man reminded me so just recently."

A smile curved Danny's lips. "I was just quoting you, you know?"

"Buddy, you've saved my ass more times than I can count. Being here for you, finding out what happened... it was the least I could do. Plus Gracie... you know I love her as if she was my own."

"I know." If there was one thing Danny was sure of, it was his best friend's love for his children. Steve had proved it time and again. "You, uh... wanna go see her?"

The former SEAL's eyes widened in surprise. He wanted to, needed it to ease the tightness in his chest but didn't want to intrude. "You sure? I mean, you guys should..."

"Go," Danny encouraged him. "You deserve it as much as we do. I'll take Rachel back to the waiting room, she hasn't eaten all day."

Steve nodded and tried to say thank you but his voice didn't work. He walked a few steps, rubbed his hands over his face and lingered by the doorway, wondering what the hell he'd done to deserve a man like Danny Williams in his life and watching Rachel kiss her daughter's head before coming out of the room.

"Thank you for staying with her," she said, smiling at him and squeezing his arm.

He wanted to tell her that he was the one who should be thankful, that he'd never be able to repay them for trusting him with the most precious things in their lives; instead he watched them leave, holding onto each other like it was the only thing keeping them from falling apart.

A few moments later he found himself by Grace's bedside, looking down at her sleeping form as he worked at slowing his heart down to a normal rhythm. The sight of her pale face covered with cuts and bruises twisted his heart painfully in his chest, the thick bandage on her head a stark reminder of the hours she'd spent in the OR fighting for her life.

"Hey, Gracie..." he said softly, taking her small hand in his. His voice wavered and his eyes watered, and he was damn glad no one was there to witness his heartbreak. "I'm proud of you, kid. Standing up to that guy, that was brave..."

Danny's words still echoed in his mind and he smiled in spite of himself.

' _I think maybe she, uh... she gets that from you more than me.'_

The thought that he might have had an impact on this young girl's life made his heart swell with pride and gratitude.

"Katie's okay," he continued, never letting go of her hand as he sat down in one of the two chairs by the bed. "She's gonna need time to get back on her feet but she's alive. You both are."

A miracle in itself, considering the condition of the car and how much time had passed before HPD found them.

"You're gonna be alright. This will all be over soon..."

His fingers gently brushed over the side of her face, tucking a strand of long, dark hair behind her ear.

"I told your dad we can have the graduation party at my house if you want. It's bigger, you know, and... I know how much you love the backyard. You can invite as many friends as you like, we'll take care of everything..."

He would do anything for her.

Now more than ever.

"Thank you, Gracie," he whispered as he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "Thanks for not dying. I wasn't... I couldn't... not you too..."

Then he leaned forward and rested his forehead on the bed, Grace's limp hand still clutched in his strong ones.

* * *

 _Two weeks later_

"What is it? Why do we need to go outside?"

"Because, Danny, I got a surprise for you," Steve replied nonchalantly, wrapping his arm around Grace's shoulders and ushering them both out the front door. "Actually, it's for Gracie, but you can see it too."

"For me?" The girl turned to look at him excitedly. "What is it, uncle Steve?"

"You'll see," he replied, winking at her.

It had been a spur-of-the-moment decision, one he had made without the slightest of doubts. He loved spoiling Danny's kids, and even though this time he might have gone out of his way to do it he didn't regret it one bit.

"Oh my god..." the girl's hands flew to her mouth as she spotted the silver Toyota parked in the driveway. "Is that... is it for me?"

"Thought you needed a new ride," Steve grinned, watching two sets of eyes grow wide at the realization. "Go ahead, it's all yours."

Beside him Danny's mouth opened, but no sound emerged. He stared at his best friend, surprise freezing him in place, wondering if the man had finally gone crazy. Steve wasn't nearly as wealthy as Stan and he sure had nothing to apologize for, so what the hell was he doing buying his kid a new car?

Whatever thought or sharp retort he was about to voice was completely obliterated by the expression of utter delight on his daughter's face.

' _You should have seen Grace's face...'_

' _I didn't see her face, Rachel. I didn't, and that moment's gone now.'_

Grace looked at the car then back at him, remembering the fear that had stalled her the first time. "Dad?"

The hope and expectation lighting her face were Danny's undoing. He feigned anger for a moment, then allowed a smile to slowly part his lips and swell into a grin. Without even realizing it, his crazy-ass partner had given him the greatest of gifts: the chance to experience a moment that he thought was lost forever.

"You, uh... you heard your uncle. Go check it out."

Her features visibly relaxed and her smile grew, if possible, even bigger.

"What do you say to him, Grace?"

The girl threw herself at Steve, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing him as tightly as she could. "Thanks, uncle Steve! You're the best!"

"You're welcome, kiddo. I love you."

"I love you too!" She clung to him for a few more seconds then gave him a kiss on the cheek and pulled back from the embrace, running towards the car with an excited squeal.

The look on Steve's face as he stared after her was just as priceless. Danny hadn't seen him so happy in a long time, and was grateful for this precious moment after weeks of anguish and pain.

They'd both been through a lot, and neither of them knew how to put their feelings into words.

"Are you mad at me?" Steve asked as soon as Grace was out of earshot, shifting nervously on his feet. Witnessing Grace's joy had made his day –hell, his whole year, but the last thing he wanted was to overstep his boundaries. Danny kept looking at him with this weird expression on his face, and he couldn't tell if he was pleased or shocked or... angry.

The Jersey native shook his head, mouth still curled in a smile. "You're crazy, you know that?"

"Maybe..."

"I mean, you have to be because this… this is insane."

Steve didn't reply, turning instead his gaze back to Grace who was now sitting inside the car and taking selfies behind the wheel.

Danny followed it and exhaled loudly. "Look at her. I can't believe we almost lost her... What am I gonna do when she goes off to college?"

"We're gonna visit her as much as we can and set up a time for Skype sessions," Steve announced without taking his eyes off of her as if he had already made plans. "And we're gonna hug Charlie extra tight so that it hurts less..."

The last sentence, spoken in a whisper, caught Danny off guard. Raw emotions coursed through him like a tide and his eyes filled with tears. "Come here you goof," he said, quickly swiping at them before opening his arms to welcome him. "I always knew you were a big softie..."

Steve wrapped his own arms around him and pulled him close. "Thanks, buddy," he breathed out, his voice almost cracking under the weight of too many emotions.

"For what?"

"Making me part of the family. Bringing your kids into my life. You have no idea what it means to me..."

"You're welcome, man. You're welcome."

THE END


End file.
